You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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