Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
