i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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