did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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