I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
