The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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