I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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