Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
