Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize