i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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