I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
