Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
