u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
FUCK WHALES
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
