Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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