look no pants
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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