I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
