I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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