remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
