is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
