please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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