I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
