So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
