Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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