I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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