If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
