So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Pants are for mortals
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
