ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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