I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize