i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
