Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
