Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just had sex on a roof
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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