Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
