i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize