i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
