and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
