Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
