omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize