and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
