Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
