Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
