Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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