Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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