Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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