Who wears a wallet chain?!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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