my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
