My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
