Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
