You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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