I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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