my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
