I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
