Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
