When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
