feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
