getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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