we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
