1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
