i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
