Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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