He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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