I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
