listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
