i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
