My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
