Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
