my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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