Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
