my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
