Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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